In an abusive relationship, the victim is not to blame for the abuse. Similarly, they are not to blame for staying in the relationship.
No amount of physical abuse is acceptable but there is a different threshold when partnerships have become emotionally toxic. When a person stays in an abusive situation, it is normally because the hurtful parts of their relationship are not only physical.
Abusers are often skilled in creating traps and patterns that keep their victims in the relationship even when it seems unreasonable. Putting the blame on the victim for not leaving is a toxic and ignorant fallacy.
There are many reasons that someone may stay in an abusive relationship.
Love Bombing is a set of behaviours that appear either at the beginning of the relationship, after physical abuse, or both. Love Bombing is affection and attention that makes a person feel special and in love.
When abusers begin a new relationship, they set a foundation of Love Bombing to make the person they are with feel as if they found a partner that loves them more than any other. This piece of the relationship becomes an anchor and the abuser can use that phase in a relationship later to confuse and manipulate their victim.
Abusers may exhibit suspiciously lenient boundaries around things like moving in together, conceiving children, and combining bank accounts. These seemingly sweet agreements are used later to prevent the escape of their victims.
Financial abuse does not mean that the abuser is necessarily rich. It means that the victim in the relationship is materially dependant on their partner for survival.
Physical abuse can already create enough trauma to render the victim immobile. This combined with an abuser’s ability to manipulate the narrative of the relationship means that survivors of abuse can be unable to leave or keep coming back.
There are two ways that abusers can do this: Brain Fog and Word Salad. These are verbal devices used by a person to remain so in control of a conversation that it can make a person physically dizzy. Long monologues of manipulative and hurtful things can go on for hours and wear their victim down into agreeing with the twisted narrative they are defending.